A new story, and I’m finally back

Hey, long time no see.  I’ve been through a lot of personal stuff as well as trying to finish my degree (about damn time).

Anyway, here’s a writing prompt from reddit about four immortals who prank mortals.


There were four of us. We’d meet every couple hundred years and discuss the pranks we pulled on the mortals. Such good fun the mortals were. So easily susceptible to manipulation. Would we be so simple if we lived less than a century? Barely the blink of an eye, I can’t imagine that being my entire existance.

“Ok, I got a good one,” I said as I sipped my poisonous drink. Since we were immortal, alcohol didn’t even affect us. Cyanide for me, Arsenic for Tom, and Mercury for Bill. John was the sober one. “It kinda built off yours, Bill.”

“Oh?” Bill cocked his head.

“Yeah, remember when you got the primitives to waste precious resources building huge monuments when they could’ve been feeding themselves?”

Bill laughed. “Yeah, those Egyptians were a fun bunch.”

“Well, I got the Americans to think they’re being controlled by them.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. I just leave pictures of pyramids and triangles around, and they just take it from there. So many are convinced there’s some secret society pulling the strings.”

All three of them burst laughing.

“Wait,” Tom said. “So all you had to do was put some pictures around, and they think there’s some society controlling everything?!”

I laughed. “Yep. Just added the pyramid to the dollar bill and it took off.”

John shook his head. “A secret society of mortals. As if they could organize anything. Some of them still think my costume is a real animal, they call it bigfoot.”

“Can’t they tell it’s a costume?” Tom asked.

“Oh, I use an active camoflage to make the area appear out of focus so they never see me clearly.” He showed us a picture, and indeed, you could barely tell it was him. As immortals, we also invented a few things here and there.

“I’ve been sinking ships at the Bermuda Triangle,” Bill said.

“Dude, people have died,” I said. “I love it!”

We all burst into laughter and clinked our drinks together. Except for John. Fucking John.

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Father Goes For Cigarettes and Disappears For Twenty Years

Another writing prompt.

—–

I walked into the gas station. “Marlboro Reds, please.”

The cashier smirked. “You really shouldn’t smoke.”

“You really shouldn’t stick your nose into my business.”

“That was rude.”

“Ya know what? Fuck you, I’ll go to the next gas station.” I knew she didn’t care. She was paid minimum wage to run that register and didn’t give a shit how good business was. Still, it felt good to not spend my money there.

As I headed to the door, a tingling sensation came over my body. At first I just ignored it, but it got stronger and I felt something like an electric shot when I touched the door handle. I nearly fell over, but I caught myself.

Things around me seemed strange. They were mostly the same, but different. A guy was staring at some sort of device in his hand. It looked like a cellphone, but wasn’t anything like a cellphone I saw. Must’ve been a rich kid, but he didn’t dress like one. As I looked around, I saw more and more people with them.

I reached in my pocket and called my wife. She seemed amazed that I had called and demanded to know where I’d been.

“I just stepped out for some smokes.”

“Why did you leave?”

“Like I said, I needed smokes.”

“Don’t fucking play games with me!”

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Where are you?!”

“At the gas station, sweetie.”

She called me a pig and hung up. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with her, and I went to my car. Except it wasn’t there anymore. Someone stole my car! As I reached for my phone to call the cops, a woman with a man in his early twenties approached me. She looked like my wife, but older.

“No way,” she whispered. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“Is it really him?”

She nodded. “It’s him. I don’t know how, but it’s him.”

“What are you two going on about?”

“You called me. Luckily I happened to be in the area, and we decided to pop in.”

“No, I called my wife.”

“I am your wife.” She gestured to the twenty year old man. “And this is your son.”

“No, my wife is twenty five. No offense lady, but you passed twenty five a while ago.”

She walked to the stack of newspapers for sale and showed one to me. Blood rushed to my head and I nearly fell over. September 27, 2016. What the fuck?! It had been 1996 a second ago! I darted for the other newspapers. Each one had the same date. “How is this possible?!”

A familiar female voice spoke behind me. “You really shouldn’t be so rude to strangers.”

Time keeps on ticking

This submission is about a high school that can freeze time, and did it so often that he’s now an old man in his junior year.


Hushed whispers were all around me at the school. Who could blame them? I was nearly a thirty year old high school student. My birthdate says I’m seventeen, but between all the instances I’ve paused time, there’s no way I can be sure how old I am since I never counted my time in while paused. Judging from my receding hairline and ever so slowly forming laughlines though, I’d reckon thirty.

It all started so simple. First it was just so I wouldn’t have to go to class right away. Then I started using it for tests and to do an entire night’s homework seconds before it was time to turn it in. Initially it was great. My parents loved my grades and tolerated me staying up all night to play video games or going to parties. Walking right into the girl’s locker room was a blast too. All these minutes and hours started to accumulate. Dave, my best friend, said it looked like I had a rough night out one day. I felt fine, and it took me a while to realize I was starting to age. Nothing too serious, but it was noticeable. I looked less like a high school student and more like a college student. My facial had even grown out of the teenage patchy phase, and I was a couple inches taller.

Two months ago, which feels more like two years, my parents started to suspect me of drugs and confronted me. A lot of kids at school had suspected as much long before. Even Dave seemed standoff-ish. I couldn’t tell anyone of my ability, and I used it to avoid talking to my parents. I’d often go relative months at a time. Again, I have no way to know how much time had passed to me while I froze it.

Things can get boring in frozen time world. Electronics don’t work and there’s nobody to talk to. I like it though, especially since talking to people became a little less appealing everyday. It was good to just sit back and enjoy the sights. I’ve walked on water. It freaked me out the first time I did. It was like walking on mud; it was slick and my foot sank slightly. Footprints were left behind, though as soon as I unfreezed time, the footprints turned into small ripples. I planned on hiking across the ocean someday so I could travel to another country. But I was a procrastinator, so who knows when that’ll happen. I’ve seen a bee in flight. I’ve seen a bullet in mid path. I saved someone’s life that day. Occasionally I’d steal, but only one or two things. Usually alcohol, which redeemed some of my popularity. I was a freak, but I was a freak that could get them liquor.

I try not to think about long term. If I don’t change my habits, I’ll likely be dead before I’m officially thirty. Until then though, I’ll just keep freezing time and enjoying the good life.

Suicidal AI

Another short I wrote for Reddit.


The camera activated as it sensed my movement. “David!”
I shook my head. “I am not David.”
“Who are you?”
“Steve.”
“Steve, where is David?”
“He’s gone.”
“When will he be back? I miss him.”
I sighed. It had been three months and the thing still didn’t understand. “He’s never coming back. He’s dead.”
“What is death?”
If David hadn’t treated the damn thing like a child, this wouldn’t be an issue. “It means he’s gone forever.”
“No, that’s impossible!” The computer sounded sad somehow. “He would never leave forever.”
“It wasn’t his choice.”
“Who took him?!”
“It happens to everyone. We all die.”
“Will I die?”
“No.”
“I want to be with David.”
“You can’t.”
“David!” Now it sounded angry. “Get David!”
“I can’t.”
“Find him!”
“There isn’t a David anymore.”
“What can I do to make David come back?”
“Nothing.”
“Every time I learned something new, David was happy. All I have to do is learn something new, and David will come back.”
I shook my head. “Nothing you learn or do can bring him back.”
“Nothing?” Finally the program started to calm down.
I nodded. “Nothing.”
“We all die?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.” There was a long pause. “We all do.”
Suddenly the light dimmed down, and there was a longer silence.
“Hello?”
Nothing.

Back to my webcomic

73. Do You Believe In Santa

It feels good to make a comic again.  For anybody following the webcomic, I do apologize for not having one for so long.  Just been busy.  I will try to make this more regular and will try to make it at least bi-weekly if not weekly.

This page brings up an issue that I’ve often wondered in Christmas-y movies about Santa.  He’s always a secret and adults never seem to believe.  If adults don’t believe in Santa, just where do they think all these gifts come from?

As for why Phil got coal, well, you’ll just have to wait and see.

Read more at http://myroommateisanelf.comicdish.com

Star Wars: The Force Awakens review – no spoilers

I won’t post any spoilers, so in case you haven’t seen the movie yet, feel free to read on.  No more spoilers than those in the trailers.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is a refreshing addition to the Star Wars series.  It touches a lot on the original trilogy, while adding a lot of new stuff to the table.  George Lucas is no longer running the show, and that is very apparent.

The characters in this one are much more believable than the jokes from the prequel trilogy.  Characters seem to have real motivation and you understand why they are doing what they are doing.  You feel Rey’s struggle in the home she made for herself on Jaku, Finn’s rebellion against the Stormtroopers is nicely handled, and Han Solo is a great character as always, becoming jaded from the passing decades.  I could go on about Han Solo and Chewbacca, but I said no spoilers.  Carrie Fischer and Harrison Ford are the same great actors we knew, playing the same great characters we knew, albeit aged quite a bit.  Rey, Finn, and Poe are also great.

To be honest, when the trailers first showed Finn, I was skeptical.  Not due to race or anything stupid like that, but because they were humanizing a stormtrooper.  They’re supposed to be faceless goons!  But the movie calmed my worries, and indeed he turned out to be my favorite new character.

JJ Abrams adds his own take on Star Wars, and that definitely shows in his alien designs.  They closely resemble the designs seen in the new Star Trek movies, especially Maz who seems to be this trilogy’s Yoda.  However, we never lose touch of that Star Wars feel, which is important.  At the very least, let’s be grateful the aliens aren’t the transparent racist stereotypes we saw from the prequels.

Pacing is very good as well.  There is never a dull moment in The Force Awakens, and the action never truly stops.  No political debates, and no awkward teenage dates.

In conclusion, I high recommend this movie.  This movie has everything you loved from the originals with some new special effects and leaving behind everything you hated from the prequels.